A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
