im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize