all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
