I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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