New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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