I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize