i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do vagina's smell?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
