Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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