i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
