I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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