woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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