I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
