i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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