just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
