my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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