Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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