fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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