I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
