True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
