I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
