I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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