The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
