How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I smell stomach acid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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