he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
