Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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