omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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