He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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