she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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