If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
