It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
