Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
