the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
