The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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