Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
