with your own penis?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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