evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
