On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
