Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
