I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
