Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
