We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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