I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had sex on a roof
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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