Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
