I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
