Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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