I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
