I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
