so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
