I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
