i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
