Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
