dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
