i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
