:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
