She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
