he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
