Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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