My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
