Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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