So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
