I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
