You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize