If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
