so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
