the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize