There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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