Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
