the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
