Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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