He uses pillows to masturbate.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
